The survivor's guilt
by Amazedby
Summary: The light side never won, Voldemort has finally captured the last survivor - Harry Potter. As a killing curse hit him for the third time in his life, Harry traveled back to the end of his third year, just a week after he helped Sirius escape. What will await him now? can he heal and save everyone before it's too late? AU, Drarry slash, time travel, read the other warnings inside.


**Hello! This is my first story so any reviews will be warmly received. Please have in mind that English is not my first language so I kindly ask you to tell me if you notice any mistakes. Yes, I read fan fiction a lot so some ideas might be similar to others you read - but I did not copy any - just to clear any confusion. Please read the warnings just in case, because you are agreeing to read the story with them. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: The Harry Potter franchise does not belong to me but to J. K. Rowling, I only own the plot.**

**Warnings: - OOC - nes (probably, I don't really know if that's it) **

**\- slash (Draco/Harry pairing, but only mentioned for now )**

**\- mentions of violence **

**\- rape**

**\- detailed violence descriptions**

**\- mentions of death**

**—The survivor's guilt—**

It was a sunny warm day in Scotland. Three third-year Gryffindors were walking down to the DADA classroom, (almost) not at all bothered by the fact that it was exams day. Actually, the raven haired boy, Harry, was probably the least worried by them. I mean, if he could defend himself and his godfather against hundreds of dementors, the exams should be a piece of cake. They entered the classroom while chatting about the usual, Snape being a git slimy Slytherins, joking about that weird divination teacher that just couldn't shut up and other completely normal themes. Just as they sat down Harry's scar began hurting. The pain built up in mere seconds from nonexistent to unbearable; he felt like a thousand hot knives were piercing his skin. His mouth was wide open, gasping for air - he couldn't move. Suddenly, memory flashes appeared in his mind - people dying, children screaming, so many gruesome pictures.

* * *

As his eyes opened again, he wasn't the same person as before. The Harry everybody knew died when an older, but almost perfect copy of his soul entered his mind. Surprisingly, he was from 1999 and the war against Voldemort was never won - not that he used the name anymore now that there was a taboo on it. As the only survivor of the cruel genocide among wizards, he was finally captured and after hours of torture Voldemort himself delivered his death. Alas, Harry never stuck to the normal path. He traveled back in time to a younger body, so much he could understand. "Mate, what happened? Are you okay? Is it about Sirius?" Ron's questions interrupted his train of thoughts and he froze. He completely forgot that becoming a part of the past meant seeing people that were long dead in his world. "Hermione, Ron, Ginny…" Then he choked back a sob. Draco, his Draco was here, and they were still enemies. He shook his head and focused on the more important things. He could save them all! Voldemort wasn't back yet, yes, Pettigrew escaped but that was a minor inconvenience.

This time Hermione nudged him: "Harry, can you hear me? Do you want to go to the infirmary?" Harry's mind scrambled and started searching for excuses when the door slammed open and the green eyed boy couldn't be more thankful for the interruption. Professor Snape strode into the room, his robes billowing behind him. He truly looked like he swallowed a lemon. "Professor Lupin," said Snape with obvious disdain,"is sick…_again. _This is why I will be taking over the exam. Hopefully, you are better at defence than potions. I would _hate_ to see some idiot having to go to the hospital wing." Here, he looked at Neville and the boy gulped loudly."Now step in the line. When I call your name, you will step forward and face a boggart."

Harry started panicking - nobody could see it though. Years of war made his face like a blank mask - a Slytherin mask. Even traveling trough time hadn't put a dent into the hardened surface of his face."_No please no please no please no please no please NO_," the raven haired boy thought to himself."I wasn't able to defeat a boggart three years ago, when Draco, Severus and Ron were still alive, and that one was already weak as Ron just fought with him! I am most certainly not prepared to take on a full powered one! "_Fuck this!_" Besides I also will not be able to think normally and would probably reveal some things I don't want people to know. What if -"

His internal monologue was interrupted by the potions professor talking again. "Professor Lupin thought of a _brilliant_ idea how to prevent cheating on this exam." It seemed like Snape really hated admitting that, but continued anyways."As soon as you come close to the boggart, a wards will raise around you, and while everyone will be able to see and hear what is going on, nobody will have the power to tamper with your exam as the wards were made by the Unspeakables and even the headmaster would have trouble breaking the wards."Oh of course, the professor was lying but he would still need about ten minutes to break them. He couldn't have any of the brats back out, wailing to be saved so no harm done anyways."The wards will, of course, disintegrate after you defeat the boggart or gain fatal injury. They will also erase any of your memories of any other boggarts, therefore you will not be able to use that knowledge against anyone." Right then, quite a few students' faces fell down. apparently, many wanted to mock others for their boggarts. "First to go will be the Slytherins then Ravenclaws, third Hufflepuffs and lastly Gryffindors. Miss Bulstrode, you will start."

* * *

Harry kept up the facade of a confident boy who could bring down a boggart any time of the day but in reality, he was covered in cold sweat. He watched as names were called and one by one defeated the boggart; even Neville. Finally, Severus Snape called out his name."_Harry Potter_," he sneered."Let's see what you can do."

Harry nervously stepped closer to the professor and said: "Excuse me professor, but I recently found out my boggart changed shapes." He could hear students whispering on the other side of the room but right now, that was a distraction from his goal so he just tuned it out."Therefore I was wondering if -" Here the professor stoped him. "I see. Just like your lazy no-good father, trying to get out of the test because you didn't study. Well Potter, you'll just have to learn that sometimes things won't go your way."

Harry could hear the snickers coming from the Slytherin side of the classroom but had no time for a retort as he was pushed towards the closet where the boggart was hiding. He knew he wouldn't see them anymore in a few second so he took a deep breath and tried to focus on his task.

* * *

The wards went up and out of the closet spilled out smoke, soon taking form of a seventeen year old Hermione as her screams echoed all around while she was being cut piece after piece by Bellatrix, who was laughing maniacally. Mentally forcing himself to stay calm while watching his sister scream for help, the raven haired boy pointed his wand at the boggart and shakily yelling: "Riddikulus!" The scene changed. There was Ron, fighting a swarm of death eaters screaming "Run Harry, run!" just as he was hit in the chest by the killing curse. "Riddikulus!" Ginny being raped by a masked death eater. "Riddikulus!" Dumbledore falling off the astronomy tower. "Riddikulus!" The Burrow in flames. "Riddikulus!" Nagini eating Severus. "Riddikulus!"

"Imperio" he heard. "Kill Draco Malfoy." There, in front of him was Draco, his beautiful Draco, covered in bruises and blood, tied to the wall. "No," he thought, he refused to loose the last person on this planet he cared for."KILL HIM!" Voldemort all but roared in his mind. He knew he couldn't resist for much longer but he could try. "Harry." As he heard the call the Gryffindor boy lifted his head and found himself staring at the silver eyes of the broken boy. The blonde, whose hair was now unrecognisable from all the dust and blood, spoke again: "Don't you dare to blame my death on yourself." Draco smiled in resignation, wandlessly conjured a knife and stabbed himself.

Harry fell to his knees as hot, salty tears rolled down his face. His lover of the past five years died once again and he did nothing to prevent it. He gathered his thoughts again and quietly whispered "Riddikulus."

* * *

There, standing in front of him was Voldemort, laughing like a maniac. "Why hello dear Harry. Missed me?" He mocked him and he started cackling again.

The little lion was now filled with rage and wiped his tears away as he stood up on his shaky legs and lifted his head again. "Why! Why did you kill them! I will avenge them, I will kill you! But before, I'll make you scream like you made them, I'll make you cry and beg for death like it's mercy. Only when you will loose all hope will I kill you. And it won't be painless, no, I will cut you apart with a knife and rub salt in all your wounds until you will bleed out."

His hair was waving like there was an invisible force flowing around him. But Voldemort just smiled cruelly at him and responded: "But you won't, will you? You say and threaten a lot of things but deep inside you know it's all your fault. I killed your brother and sister in all but blood, your adoptive family, your best friend, your most trusted, your co-leader, your mentor, everyone you cared about, even your _lover, _but I wouldn't have killed any of them if you_ just died_. But I can't kill you and you are too much of a coward to try!" Here, he leaned closer to Harry. "And you _know_ it."

Here, Harry looked at him again and started laughing. It was a hysterical, desperate kind of laugh that borders on madness and rage. "Do you really think I haven't tried? Do you even know what it feels like to see the knife bounce away from your skin? To se all water disappear when trying to drown? To vomit every deadly potion back again?"

Here he paused as if trying to think of something when his face lit up in excitement. He smiled brightly, his eyes shining, lit with madness" Oh I know what to do! I'll just Avada Kedavra myself!" Here he took a closer look at his holly and phoenix feather wand."Nah, this one won't do." The raven head sneered. "Too weak to do any job right." He broke it with a loud snap and just threw the broken smouldering halves over his knee.

He completely forgot he wasn't alone with Voldemort, who already knew all his secrets so he had absolutely no qualms about revealing them all again.

He conjured a beautiful green and blue knife out of thin air. As the knife cut his palm he took his blood an drew a rune on his head and started chanting."Ut dici Gryffindor dominium in jus sanguinis." His hair grew longer and magic tied into a beautiful braid, tied with a ribbon on which a lion was sleeping; a strand took the wild Gryffindor colour, a deep scarlet.

"Ut dici Slytherin dominii iure praedae." As he finished the sentence, his right sleeve fell off and two snakes, one green and one silver, coiled around his arm. Another strand was recoloured, this time a fresh Slytherin green. It hurt when they settled on his arm but he chanted on.

"Ut dici Ravenclaw dominium in jus sanguinis." His glasses disappeared and while before people compared his eyes to his mother's, they were now the colour of the killing curse and shone bright with madness. A third strand of hair was coloured in calming Ravenclaw blue and a diadem appeared on his head, people would recognise it as the lost Ravenclaw diadem.

"Ego Hufflepuff dici ius arbitrium dominium per." Another strand of his hair coloured itself in energetic Hufflepuff yellow and a gold ring with a diamond Hufflepuff emblem appeared on his finger.

"Peto Hogwarts dominium per sanguinem per voluntatem victor obtinuit, sic fiat semper." Magic flared up and started swirling around him. There was a bright light and a wand appeared out of thin air. But this was no normal wand; it seemed to be made out of black marble with golden cracks all round and a stunning Hogwarts emblem. Harry snacked it out of the air and cackled terrifyingly.

* * *

"Now this one,"he started,"This one is the most powerful wand in the world; the Hogwarts wand. With five cores that are chimera's hair for Gryffindor, basilisk venom for Slytherin, unicorn blood - freely given, of course - for Hufflepuff, a ground water dragon's tooth for Ravenclaw and a Midnight phoenix' feather, soaked in his tears, for Hogwarts for unity. You know, I always thought it's funny how it can only be used by those that are rightful lord of Hogwarts but well, at least you are not able to use it.

"He then sneered and continued."and the elder wand you are after? Beside the fact that anyone can take it from you, it does not contain a quarter of the power this one has. Hell, it doesn't contain an eight of it! Now, where was I?" He took the strand of the hair that kept falling over his eyes and tucked it behind his ear. "Oh, of course! Well, if this wand doesn't kill me, nothing will."

Then, he slowly leaned in so he was nose (well, as much as Voldemort has of it) to nose with the boggart. "And if it doesn't, well, everything I mentioned before will seem like _a spa treatment_. I will slowly pull out _every single one_ of your nails and teeth, I will _crucify_ you until your mind is on the verge of _breaking_, and then stop. I will_ whip_ you until I will be able to see your _bones_, dump you into _rubbing alcohol_ and than cut your limbs into pieces with a _rusty, dull knife_. Your death will be _painful_ and _long_, for I will use a _muggle gun_, a weapon of those you so despise, shoot you in the sides and only then will I leave you to die. Not before I burn the house, of course."

He didn't wait for a response and pointed the wand at himself, his face shining with happiness and hope that looked like they didn't quite belong there. "Goodbye cruel world," he cackled and finally uttered the incarnation of the infamous killing curse. The last thing he saw was professor Snape running towards him as fast as he could."Goodbye Sev,"he murmured as he plunged into the welcoming, comforting darkness.

—**Author's note—**

**Phew! Finally done. Any suggestions how to make it better, should I make an other people pow, should I continue, ideas how to do just that? Like it? Hate it? Leave a review and I'll see what I can do. Until next time!**

_**Amazedby**_


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